FROM OUR MINISTER:MELANIE'S MISCELLANY
A year ago last month, I entered into conversations with leaders of First Church about applying for the Consulting Minister position. I had a great many concerns about all the congregation had been through in the previous 20 months, and I wanted to be the best minister I could be for the folks of First Church. In reflecting on the situation in New Orleans and First Church, I began to see correlations between post-Katrina NOLA and survivors of abuse and trauma.
The comparison seemed apt, and I realized that while like most UU ministers I had both training and experience in "normal" pastoral care, I felt I was not prepared for the kinds of stress and trauma that people in the church and in thee city were coping with. I sought out the advice and counsel of a UU colleague I had known for years, and whose special expertise was in "after care" -- ministry to congregations that have survived abuse or inappropriate behavior by a minister or lay leader. While it is true that First Church had NOT had that exact experience, I felt that the whole post-Katrina syndrome could be seen as a kind of abuse perpetrated on the people of New Orleans.
I first started conversations with the Rev. Dr. Deborah Pope-Lance in June last year, telling her my theory of how New Orleans and First Church had been victimized, and how hard the church's lay leaders had been working to cope and keep things going, both personally and in the church. Dr. Pope-Lance was intrigued, and agreed that the comparison was apt. She was interested in working with me to ensure that our shared ministry would be fitted to the congregation's present needs.
Consultations with trained experts such as Dr. Pope-Lance can be expensive. The UUA Department of Professional Leadership was generous in providing a grant to help with the cost of the monthly sessions, and Dr. Pope-Lance and I formally began our work in September. Her advice and counsel have been invaluable to me as I have striven to be the kind of minister that First Church needed this first year. I have learned several important things from the consultation which I hope have been useful over this past year, that I know will continue to be useful to all of us leaders and members of First Church as we prepare to move forward into a second year. I shared many of these points with the Board of Trustees at their last meeting, and the Board suggested it would be good if the whole congregation learned them as well.
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Recovery from PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder -- one way of looking at how folks in New Orleans have been affected by Katrina and its aftermath -- takes both time and effort; time alone will not work for most people. It is estimated that full recovery takes about 8-10 years for a "regular" trauma, and that it could take up to 20 years for the people of New Orleans to fully recover after all that happened.
Learning: We should exercise more patience with ourselves and each other. Recovery is a marathon, not a sprint.
•Overcoming trauma means talking about what happened, giving the events personal meaning, and then integrating the experience into one's life. This is another thing that does not happen on its own.Learning:
We should provide more opportunities for people to talk about how they feel and what happened, and to ascribe meaning through worship and other avenues.
•When times are stressful in a congregation, it is easy to fall into a pattern of concentrating on everything going wrong, all the things not back to "normal" – but what you focus on, you create more of.Learning:
The minister and leaders should focus on the positive, look at what is going well, and celebrate where folks are doing a good job. We can build on our many accomplishments and achievements post-K, and not put energy in bemoaning what's been lost or what we haven't restored yet.
•It is OK after a trauma to "triage" church jobs and responsibilities and to let some things drop, even if just for the time being. It is not a sign of failure to discontinue or put on hiatus certain church events, activities, or groups.Learning: A church of less than 100 does not need what a church of 200 needs. Let's be the best church our PRESENT size can be.
•It is better for a person who is under stress and/or recovering from trauma to leave a meeting or gathering abruptly than for them to act out, or lash out at others in public.Learning: The minister and lay leaders must allow stressed-out folks to withdraw for a time if that is what they need to do.
•At some level or another, everyone in the New Orleans area has been hurt by Katrina and the aftermath.Learning: It is a good idea for the minister and lay leaders to assume that everyone, even those who seem "OK" on the outside, is in need of special care and gentle treatment.
•Feeling empowered and taking back control is an important part of healing from trauma; it is not helpful for others, no matter how well-intentioned, to make decisions for abuse and trauma survivors.
Learning: A congregation surviving trauma needs to feel that they are making their own decisions, not being directed from outside or above, and that nothing
important is being hidden or kept from them "for their own good."
These are good points to keep in mind as we move forward. Our progress may not be as swift or as straight-line as we might wish (or even long for!), but as a congregation we are doing a good job in our recovery. Things are going in a positive direction. We are slowly healing, getting stronger and better, renewing ourselves as New Orleanians and as Unitarian Universalists. It has been a milestone year, this year of our 175th anniversary, and it has been my privilege and honor to serve you during it.
Now let's look ahead in hope and faith to next year; I look forward to sharing it with you.
In our shared ministry,
Melanie
